the power of longing…

I don’t know if it’s because I’m an empath or I’m just a flat out people person but I have the literal hardest time cutting people off … even when they deserve it. I’ve had to let go of someone in my life recently because I needed to be obedient to Christ. But I don’t have a desire to be apart from that person who we’ll name Ren for privacy purposes.

I try and justify Ren’s place in my life hiding behind friendship, anxiety needs, or even ministry because truth is I don’t want to be obedient and let them go. I’ve tried to cut Ren out of my life but in the past several times keep allowing myself to fall into the same cycles.  Even though I knew Ren’s place was not in my life.

You keep asking God for signs to show you if they’re meant to stay as you desperately try and justify whatever relationship that isn’t serving your greater purpose. Even though you know what God told you before… which didn’t changed.

If I’m being honest, Ren was a dear friend, that walked along a dark path with me, but truly I was just afraid of myself. My own thoughts at night, my own fears, facing whatever thoughts that race or dominate my mind. Ren was my distraction.

I’ve been at peace since I’ve let Ren out both my HEART and mind, but it doesn’t mean I’m happy about it, or that my heart doesn’t long for Ren’s reliable comfort.

Your heart is deceitful … and longs for the things that comforts it… even if God does not approve. The power of longing is strong.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s experienced something like this. But it’s important to remember God’s plan is greater than ours. In every aspect. And we have to trust that when he guides us to do something , easy or hard, that it will serve and prosper us forevermore.

I write these more for myself than anyone, but it makes my heart warm to see other people relating and building a community over similar struggles.

If you’ve experienced anything like this or are going through it now, tell me more about your struggles in the comments… hate feeling alone 🤍