I Want to be Desired By Men.

I Want to be Desired By Men. 

I struggle so much with navigating every decision and calculating every move to ensure I am accepted and validated by the world.

Let’s break that down though.

I want to join as many clubs as I can so that when I graduate I will be the most decorated student. I want to make the most sales in my business so that I can be loved and revered by the world and everyone who unfollowed me on Instagram would wish they kept up with me. I want to say only the right things so I’m perceived as educated and classy. I want to get engaged with a big ring to show everyone that my Fiancé loves me more than theirs and can get me flashier jewels. I want 1 million followers so I can make content with the A Listers and be loved by many. I want to go to the gym so women will be jealous of my curves and men will want me because of them.  I want lash extensions so all the women who see me will envy me. I want long flashy nails so that every woman would covet them. I want tightly fitted clothes so boys can lust after what they can’t have. I want to be desired by men, coveted by women, and loved by the world. I know that this is what drives most of my decisions and choices. And I know all of these wants are not aligned with what is best for me. 

A lot of these things in themselves are not sinful, but my driving forces behind them are. I am living for the world to love me instead of living to be more like Christ. Humble, selfless, loving, patient, compassionate, hated by the world but loved by God. 

Approval and validation motivate me to be successful, but I don’t want that to plague me anymore. I want to go to the gym because I want to be the healthiest version of myself for my future kids and pregnancies. I want to have 1 million followers so that my reach can increase so that everyone who sees me can be touched by the love and spirit of God. I want to be engaged because the will of the father has designed a complementing partner for me. I want to have the most sales in my business because every sale has the potential to draw someone closer to Christ and free them of their mental chains. I want to join as many clubs as I can to obtain a more enriching college experience and to connect with as many people as I can before this chapter is over. I wanna say the right things so that everyone who hears me will see Christ through me. I want to do my nails because it’s a creative outlet for me and I get to improve on a craft. 

As hard as it is to hear: I don’t need approval from my parents,

I don’t need approval from my siblings,

I don’t need approval from my best friends,

I don’t need approval from guys from social media,

I don’t need approval from guys from work,

I don’t need approval from classmates,

I don’t need approval from coworkers or bosses,

I don’t need approval from clients or sales,

I don’t need approval from my significant other, or likes, comments, shares or followers.

And neither do you. The change is not gonna happen overnight, but God is able. 

So what can I do in the meantime? 

• I can be more intentional about what I do and why I do them as I spend more time with God and he begins to change me. 
• I can wear modest clothing and get rid of the lustful pieces in my wardrobe. 
• I can do my nails modestly as well. 
• I can spend more time in prayer and reflection in journaling to reveal the parts of me that are not so much like Christ.
• I can spend less time comparing myself to the worlds standards and others who live for it.  
• I can slowly stop hiding behind a façade that I want to be accepted and start being more like me. 
• I can pray for God to reveal to me the areas that I need to begin to be aware of and let go of. 

I see now that I still have a lot of work to do. And I need Christ to help me crave for only His approval and validation. It’s funny because the people of the world don’t know any better than I do. What they think constantly changes and how they feel shifts as swiftly as the breeze in the wind. But God’s word and will is true, honest, noble, just, and never fleeting or failing. I pray that God prepares me for my blessings and changes my heart to no longer desire the false promises of this world.